Inherent dishonesty…

Memories of my Dad are the roadmap for my life.  Joseph Bourgeois was a professor of French and German – that was his public profile, what we knew about him and what everyone else knew about him.  He was a scholar, after his death he was described as a “southern christian gentleman” by one of his best friends and colleagues, Richard Garascia, who just happened to also be my Godfather, the chemist who bears some responsibility for my fascination for soap making.

He was the elected president of the all African American neighborhood association of our neighborhood and was revered, respected, trusted and loved by our neighbors.  The fact that he had eight kids was probably a subject of much conversation regarding this gentle quiet man.

In the few years that we shared the journey what I learned from him was how to be authentic .   He died when I was nineteen.  We as parents know not how we impact our children in those precious years of their childhood.

I can’t remember any time that he was in hot water with anyone (except maybe my mother…).  He lived his life with purpose, with peace and integrity.  If he had to fight or defend he would just as soon turn around and walk away, except where it involved true hypocrisy or blatant prejudice.  Hmmm, feels familiar.

What I didn’t learn from him was how to identify people who appear honest and aren’t.  So many times I’ve been blind-sided by my desire to see the good in all.  I have been guilty of  ignoring intuitive knowledge for the sake of my idealism.  I still struggle with this problem but so much less than in the past.  I’ve had unfortunate experiences which include everything from dishonest lawyers (yes, that’s plural) whom I’ve paid to represent me, to people I’ve called friends who enjoyed a gourmet meal at my table.  It still floors me to be lied to, however I don’t take it personally anymore – it’s not personal to me, it’s personal to the liar.  It’s their journey, not mine – I’ve learned that lesson, now I can go on to the next one – kind of like SRA in elementary school.

I grew up believing that honesty was the rule, not the exception.  It didn’t occur to me for the longest time that there were plenty of people in the world who would look you straight in the eye and tell you something completely untrue, no matter who or how many other people their lies affected.  It took me a really long time to finally “get” this and now I do get it.  Now I’m pretty good at spotting the liars in the crowd – obviously one of the life lessons I was meant to learn.

Still, I refuse to let go of seeing the world through my father’s eyes.  There is so much good in the world, so much beauty, so much to enjoy and for which to be thankful.  It’s a bit amazing that life’s chosen experiences have not jaded me.  I feel more resilient than ever.

Making soap is all part of this journey toward excellence.  I love creating a product that’s healthy, “clean” (in terms of ingredients) and is a throw back to the past, when things seemed just a little simpler and less complicated.